The String 

The String

On March 12th, 2003 the United States went to war in Iraq. I was a youth director at the time and the female leader, Sylvia, asked if she could lead the meeting that we had planned with our junior high students. As the meeting started we explained what was happening thousands of miles away from us. Sylvia handed out short pieces of string that she had cut and burned at the ends to prevent them from unraveling. Each of us took the piece of string and tied it around the wrist of someone near us until everyone had one. Sylvia then asked us to let the string be a reminder to pray for those who were fighting in Iraq and also for the people of Iraq. Moments later we joined hands in a big circle and bowed our heads as the voices of children asked God for peace and safety in a country that they did not know.

Almost two years have passed now... I am the only one that I know of that group who's string has not come off. The only reason it hasn't fallen off yet is because I tied it in like 20 knots the first day... and I tie it again if I see it coming loose.

My string was white and is now a silverish gray color. It has gone with me to Germany, Switzerland, Austria, Lichtenstein, Italy, Mexico, Ohio, Las Vegas, Hollywood, Disneyland, worship services, bars, the hospital, the grocery store, the shower... It has become a part of me.

For the first few months I would notice the string and would remember to ask God for peace and freedom for the people of Iraq and a safe return of those who were sent to Iraq on behalf of the American people. But somewhere along the way I stopped noticing... and now there are times that I see the string, even tie it again, but forget to pray. Yet to this day, people ask me about what is on my wrist and when I answer them and I hear "Oh, that is very cool", I almost feel ashamed that I, at times, forget.

We as a nation do the same thing. We see what happens in someone else's backyard and we think to ourselves "How horrible!". We may be concerned and even want to help, but we so easily forget. Why is that? I know I can't beat myself up for it. I mean I do pray for peace and resolution still. I do pray that our men and women will be able to come home soon. That IS something. And as long as it lasts, I will not take off this string until they come home. But I hope that our nation will stop forgetting others when the crisis subsides. Let's be people that quickly act to help when we see a need and have a long memory.

She’s Running from Her Shadow

The sound of her heartbeat sends a chill
Cause her heart doesn’t sound so good
Alone with her thoughts she just can’t stand still
Can’t remember if it’s me or if it’s you
So she runs in circles trying to find her way back right
But every stop she makes along the way adds time to her long lonely night

She’s running from her shadow
She’s running from her shadow
As long as she’s running and never turns around
She won’t have to see it clipping at her heels
But as soon as she finds comfort from a loving heart
The shadow says it hurts too much to feel
She keeps running

The thought of losing her is hard to take
Cause I’ve been down that road before
Alone with my thoughts I start to shake
Can’t remember if it’s me or if it’s you
I run my thoughts in circles trying to get inside your mind
But the more I know, the less. Now should I scream or cry

I’m running from my shadow
I’m running from my shadow
As long as I keep running and never turn around
The aching in my gut I won’t have to feel
But as soon as I lay down my head for just one night
My dreams tell me the pain is real
I keep running

And I could blame this on her, and I could tell her she’s wrong
And I could try to forget and pretend to move on
It seems the shadows are darkest when I’m standing in light
But I know they are powerless and can’t put up a fight
I’ll say this again like I’ve heard it before
The shadows will stay cause they’re now part of who we are

Stop running from your shadow... stop running.

(God, give me peace. Let the peace save me from myself, because I always ruin things when I get anxious for the resolution. And let me share peace with those that I know and those that I love.)

A Pushstart sticker on the bass drum of the drummer for Advanced (Dennis Mack) taken on 1/21/05 at their first show
 

Look Out Far

Some people watch the sunset, others watch the night roll in...
I prefer the colors to the cold

Some people watch the sunrise and can't stop thinking about the coming night...
dreading every nightfall gets so old

When yesterday is in technicolor and today is monochrome it's time to stop looking close by
I can't see much with my head in my hands but if I take a look at that blade of grass or the night's sky or the one who cares about me as I look in her eyes
I begin to focus again and the sickness goes away
I can breathe again... and again

My complaints are like open windows allowing my hope to grow cold...

My resistance to the waves only tires me out.
The ocean will not stop for me.
Time will not stand still and God will not change the order of the universe because I protest.

But He does whisper to me,
"Let go of your tight grip... Change your position...
Quit facing the wind and the waves... turn around... ride them...
You will go farther than you could ever imagine...
Let the storms of life thrust you forward instead of pushing you back...
Let your yesterdays be fuel not burdens".

If you don't know how to change position,
start by changing what you're looking at...
Look out far and in close...

Look around you
and don't miss the sunset

Rain

Somehow driving alone in the rain, I don't feel so lonesome
The rain falls on the righteous and the unrighteous
and all of us get drenched as it washes over us

Somehow standing in the shadow, I feel so naked
The sun shines on the just and the unjust
and no one can hide, it shows us all

I have a shelter
I have someone to cover my naked skin
and keep me warm, hide my shame, know me and not look away

My Highest Purpose

I want to touch you
I want to cover you with my arms and feel your breath on my neck
I want to hear you speak in a tone that no one else knows

I want to see your eyes unsure at first give way to trust and tenderness
I want to reassure you with my hand and comfort you with the beating of my heart
I want to warm you with my presence when the cold night rolls in

This would be my highest purpose… to the one who is the first that my mind sees before my eyes open each day

To smell your fears
To see your dreams
To feel your voice
To taste your skin
To hear your heart

Come to me

Last Night For One

Last night the smiles were doled out.
Last night hugs were distributed.
Last night laughter filled the place.
And I listened.

Arrival... Applause... Adoration... Achievements celebrated.

But you weren't there.

Last night, filled to the brim, I saw only a drop in the cup.
The space that you would have filled seemed to suck the light from the room.
Had I not set a place for you at the table in my mind, I would not have stared at that empty chair for so long.
But you were the guest of honor in my heart. And no one was there to accept on your behalf.

Next time I will plan to enjoy the sounds of the crowd.
Next time I'll add my voice to the laughter that goes up.
Next time I will make a reservation for one
... and hope that it gets crowded.

I like to play 

Pushstart Wagon back in the saddle again!

No Future Cafe's 10th Anniversary show